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Another Confused Self​-​Diagnosis

from Come Never by Maria in the Shower

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lyrics

Don't know what‘s the matter with me now
i haven't eaten in a week,
find myself unable to manage past
the killspeak of social cues
and conventions that i used to
step over with such ease
For the first time
For the first time i feel the weight of this disease
this paralysis that seeps into my bones
leaves me helpless and alone
left to purchase my comfort
from a billboard or a payphone
cant find my way home now
don’t know what i belive anymore, don’t know what, i believe

i need to remember how to breathe
need to steep my soul
in something more than suicide
maybe I'm crazy
maybe i'm dead
maybe i’m just grossly underfed
yeah maybe its all inside my head but

Most of all
i think i'm terrified
that you might
that you might
that you might be right right right right

right right now
don't feel like lifting my weary head
lifting this heavy pen to (w)right(e) now
don't feel much like pouring more
empty breath from my skull
think i'll kill the rest of this day in bed

but tomorrow i am sure to think how lucky i am
that i can't control my brain-stem as deftly as my pen
cause if i had my way i wouldn't have woken up today
but as i’m still here
yeah I might as well greet fear with a sm -
-i'll(e) tell you that i've forgotten how to feel
tell you nothing seems real anymore
still cant force down a meal but i think

Most of all
i'm simply terrified
that you might
that you might
that you might be right

credits

from Come Never, released August 7, 2009
Martin Reisle

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Maria in the Shower Vancouver, British Columbia

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